IS REALITY TV MAKING US DUMBER?!

Everywhere you look, networks are showing reality television. Say so long to the news which was everyone's first taste of reality, and look for reality shows to get you in tuned with the biggest stories of the day.


Many would like to argue that MTV's The Real World which debuted in 1992 was the first of its kind featuring seven strangers picked to live in a house and have their lives taped. The concept was intriguing because there was no scripted dialogue, just viewers peering into the lives of people they don't know. The formula for this new take on reality helped paved the way for many reality shows to date. It seems that nowadays, reality shows are overtaking the sitcom shown on daily television because not only can it be more interesting with all the drama that is featured, but it's less costly to networks. Stars of reality shows are not professionals, so they don't need to be paid a professional salary per season, or a certain amount of money per episode until they really hit it big.

I admit, I am a person who loves watching reality shows and yes I do not watch any sitcoms at all...well maybe just one: Degrassi. If you know me, you would know that I watch four major networks: E!, Bravo, VH1, and MTV. So what if I watch all the seasons of The Real Housewives, Fantasy Factory, Teen Mom, or Basketball Wives?! Many would argue that the reason why I do enjoy watching these shows is because I want to live that lavish lifestyle, but I don't and there's really no explanation. I like what I like and that's it.

Sure sometimes when I catch myself glued to the television for a few hours to watch all the reality shows on different networks, I feel pretty dumb knowing I took time out of my day to catch every episode. That's why I started taking up reading again to make sure I get the right balance of television and mental stimulation. Of course there are educational programs featured on television, but I don't go looking for them if I'm not interested. I can't help being attracted to entertainment in all aspects, and I feel that blogging daily keeps the brain juices flowing as well.

So is reality television making us dumber as a human race? I don't think anything is wrong with watching it unless you factor it into your life. For instance, many people are obsessed with The Kardashians and the Jersey Shore cast. There should be a level of boundaries of liking reality TV and being obsessed about people who are just like you and me. One thing to keep in mind is that reality stars don't have special talents, because they aren't professionals. We, the viewers are the ones making these stars into celebrities, so it's all in our hands when you think about it.

Haven't you noticed that reality shows are repeating themselves too? Like how many singing/dancing competitions can you have? Or fashion styling/designing competitions? Or football/hip-hop/basketball wives? Or weightloss/extreme makeover? Or housewives/househusbands? Show creators keep creating these shows because they know the American public will feed into it. With an economy that's not so great right now leaving many unemployed, it's no wonder that reality shows are very popular among the masses because it not only paints a facade for how we want our lives to be like, but it gives us hope that we can escape our problems and succeed in life.

You Just Do You, Imma Do Me

Camille

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X FACTOR'd

It's been a torturous year for fans of X Factor, despite the fact not a single episode of the show's aired since Christmas 2010. The speculation over the US version's judges dominated the showbiz headlines since New Year, and then Cheryl Cole was ignominiously given the boot after two-weeks in the prized job. Was it because of her Geordie accent? Or her lack of chemistry with the other judges? Maybe it was her downbeat attitude? It depends which news story you're reading, really. We'll probably never know for sure, because the matter's almost certainly going to be "spun" to ensure Cole doesn't look like a total fool, and Cowell and Fox likewise for taking a risk on someone who fell at the first hurdle.

With all eyes on the US version, the UK original has been in mounting crisis--faced with replacing its two most popular judges. There was the sudden possibility of Cole returning to the British show now she's been axed from the US remake, but she's allegedly been ignoring phone calls to that end. And, to be frank, it's hard to see how Cole could return to X Factor without it looking like she's run back home with her tail between her legs.

Regardless, ITV have now confirmed the judging line-up for this year's X Factor, which starts auditions on Wednesday. They are: Take That's singer-songwriter Gary Barlow, ex-Destiny's Child singer Kelly Rowland, N Dubz's lead singer Tulisa Contostavlos, and returning judge Louis Walsh. Dermot O'Leary will be back as host, having failed to secure the US X Factor gig (beaten by fellow Brit Steve Jones), while Caroline Flack and X Factor runner-up Olly Murs are replacing Konnie Huq on The Xtra Factor show.

So how secure do the X Factor's now appear? The US version has possibly been damaged by a public perception that it's an uncertain creative mess, but I'm pretty sure the "Cheryl Cole incident" will be a minor blip on the radar for Americans--as 97% of them have no clue who she was. The key thing is that the remake has its creator Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul (reuniting after American Idol) and L.A Reid, who may not be a household name, but his credentials in the music biz that put Cowell's to shame.

Cole's role has also been taken by ex-Pussycat Doll singer Nicole Scherzinger, who proved her worth when she guest-judged on the UK X Factor last year, but who was initially hired to co-host the show. Welsh presenter Steve Jones, a total newcomer to Americans, will now have to face presenting this gigantic show by himself. I'm guessing he's handsome and intelligible enough to get the job done, but I still think he's a strange choice. Maybe he'll rise to the occasion, who knows. American presenters are painfully vapid, so Jones could pull "a Cat Deeley" and endear himself by virtue of exhibiting a real personality.

One thing that's come to my attention is how the US X Factor judging panel is incredibly ethnic: with Cowell the only white person. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it is an unusual quirk of losing Cole.

What about UK X Factor? Gary Barlow's a great signing, but he's so much of a nice-guy that I can't see him taking Cowell's role in spirit. Kelly Rowland's career isn't big enough to get you excited about her inclusion (did she have any other plans this year?), but she's still a global name and I can see her working nicely as an opinionated judge. Tulisa Contostavlos faces the biggest struggle for acceptance, perhaps, as she's seen as the direct replacement for Cole... but most people over-30 don't know who she is! N Dubz are no Girls Aloud, let's face it. However, having seen her in interviews and on a BBC3 documentary once, she could actually be a surprisingly effective judge. She's definitely more "street" than Cole ever was and, in my opinion, more intelligent, too. As for Louis Walsh--well, you just can't get rid of him, can you? Expect more "you remind me of a young..."-style appraisals.

I have a feeling the UK version will miss having a clear replacement for Cowell, however--in the same way American Idol's new panel (Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, Randy Jackson) have failed to do much beyond offer misplaced praise and support... when a verbal kick in the teeth would sometimes be the kinder thing.

But what do YOU think? Are these trans-Atlantic X Factor changes going to work for their respective countries? Will the US version soar to success simply because of Cowell/Abdul? Will the UK version find a new lease of life with its three new judges, or will it to hit the same snag Britain's Got Talent has been caught on this year without Cowell: audiences WILL tune in because they love the brand, but everyone can see the new judges aren't as good and the show's worse for it.

We won't really know how successful all these changes will be until both X Factor's start airing episodes in a few months time, but what's your gut feeling about all this?

Here are a few words from the UK X Factor talent:

ITV's Director of Television, Peter Fincham:

"The X Factor is more than just a television show: it's by far the nation's biggest platform for emerging talent and I'm delighted to be confirming a line up of judges who have experience right across the music business to pick the stars of the future. As multi-million selling artists, songwriters and pop masterminds, Gary, Tulisa, Kelly and Louis have huge breadth of appeal with our audience and the ability to engage both the UK's next generation of music talent as well as ITV's viewers."

Simon Cowell:

"These four are totally up for it, each of them bring a different attitude. They have had a ton of hits between them and they are all committed to finding a star. I have a feeling Louis and Tulisa will have slightly different points of view as to what the next star should look and sound like!"

Director of Entertainment, talkbackThames, Richard Holloway:

"Each year we aim to grow and evolve the show. This year will be no different. All I can say is expect the unexpected!"

Gary Barlow:

"I'm extremely excited about working on The X Factor. I've always been a fan of the show and always enjoyed performing on it too. My one goal is to find a global super star. If I don't find one I won't have done my job."

Tulisa Contostavlos:

"I'm so excited to be the joining The X Factor and want to bring something fresh and new to the panel. I'm not going to be afraid to speak my mind and mix things up a little. I am hoping to find some hot new talent and mentor a winning category. It is also going to be great to get to know and work alongside the other Judges. Let the fireworks begin!"

Kelly Rowland:

"I am so excited to join The X Factor UK and be able to spend time in one of my favourite places in the world. The music coming out of the UK right now is incredible with artists like Adele, Jessie J and James Blake, so I'm confident this season of The X Factor will give me opportunity to hear a few diamonds in the rough. Being a judge is never easy, but I promise to be as sternly honest as I can and also encourage everyone who crosses the stage. I can't wait to meet the world's next superstar!"

Louis Walsh:

"I'm delighted to back for my eighth series of The X Factor, it's my favourite job in the world and I'm really excited this year to work with Gary Barlow and the rest of the new panel. I'm the last original judge standing and I'm determined to find an act that can win this year and show the others how it's done!"

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BBC considering 'The Voice'?

Following its current success on NBC, the BBC are allegedly keen to buy the UK rights to singing competition The Voice, based on the Dutch series The Voice Of Holland.

Designed as a rival to the British Pop Idol and X Factor formats, which have been sold around the world to great success, The Voice is basically a merger of those two shows. The differences are in the details, with a "blind audition" (contestants are chosen without the judges actually seeing them), and a "battle phase" (contestants sing the same song, and the best performers are voted through.) But it effectively takes the mentoring aspect of X Factor and applies it to the Idol format. They've even appropriated the X Factor's "arms crossed to form an X" by having the Voice promo's have people raising their fingers in a "V for Voice" salute.

The BBC are considering The Voice as a possible Saturday night primetime series, and Dannii Minogue's name has already been mentioned as a possible judge now she's quit X Factor. My guess is The Voice could replace low-rated flop So You Think You Can Dance next year, as Strictly Come Dancing has the autumn/winter weekends covered as the BBC's rival to X Factor. Or it could air earlier in the year and go up against ITV's Dancing On Ice.

What do you make of the BBC's intention? Is The Voice a shrewd acquisition, or is it just X Factor-lite? Do you think Dannii Minogue would be a great signing, or would it feel like the BBC are just grabbing X Factor's cast-offs? As I tweeted recently, the BBC would have a more immediate hit if they managed to get Dannii's sister Kylie involved! The US version of The Voice has Christina Aguilera as head judge, so wouldn't Kylie be an equivalently famous singer? She would certainly be someone whose opinion mattered, and likely knows the deal with these shows thanks to her sister's role on X Factor and Australia's Got Talent.

The only obstacle might be the fact Kylie still has a viable music career to think about (albums to record, gigs to play, perfumes to sell...) Mind you, so does Take That's Gary Barlow, but he's now confirmed as a new X Factor judge. Do the BBC have £1.5m spare, which is what it cost ITV to get Barlow aboard? I doubt it. That's a controversial use of license fee payer's money. And I don't see Kylie agreeing to give up months of her schedule for anything less. Looks like I've talked myself out of my own suggestion.

A taste of the American version of the show's "blind auditions" is below:

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Who wants 'The Apprentice' series 7 reviews?

I skipped reviewing series 6 of The Apprentice last year, so tragically missed writing about the hilarious egomania of Stuart "The Brand" Baggs. What a hamster-faced plonker he was, eh? Naturally that equaled TV nirvana.

This year, I'm still in two-minds about resuming weekly blogs of The Apprentice. It's usually hard to fit them into my schedule -- although theoretically it should be easier than usual this year because it's airing into the summer (when most US shows go on hiatus) rather than the hectic late-winter period.

If I resumed Apprentice blogging, I'll likely change the format so reviews are similar to those written for The Killing -- with sections of bullet-points. It's easier and faster to write in that style -- which could benefit a show like The Apprentice, which always has a lot of information to impart about the composition of teams, the framework of tasks, and the boardroom politics to cover.

But it mostly comes down to you, valued reader. Do you want to read Apprentice blogs every week here? If so, are you likely to comment on them regularly, or just read them? There's ultimately no point doing this if there's no appetite for it.

'The Apprentice' Series 7 launches with two episodes this week (10 & 11 May -- BBC1, 9PM)

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Cheryl Cole confirmed for 'X Factor' USA

The will-she/won't-she surrounding the possibility of X Factor judge Cheryl Cole joining the US version with Simon Cowell has been, frankly, a torturous guessing game. Here in the UK, barely a day's gone by without a tabloid newspaper or gossip blog claiming to have a big exclusive on Cheryl Cole's success/failure on transferring to X Factor USA. It stopped being a worthwhile story sometime in January, but I assume any excuse to mention Cheryl Cole boosts page-hits and sales.

But today, finally, it was officially confirmed by Fox that Cheryl Cole will definitely sit alongside Simon Cowell for the US remake -- scheduled to air on Fox this autumn. Cowell and Cole join music mogul L.A Reid and another as-yet-unannounced judge, still rumoured to be Paula Abdul from American Idol.

X Factor USA is allegedly going to be hosted by former-Pussycat Doll singer Nicole Scherzinger, who guest-judged X Factor when Cheryl Cole was sick with malaria last summer. Incidentally, would that be wise? Scherzinger has next to no live TV presenting experience, after all.

Simon Cowell:

"I'm thrilled for Cheryl. She is massively excited about this show, and has been fantastic to work with. She is also a complete brat! Most importantly, this girl can spot talent."

Cheryl Cole:

"I'm so excited to be taking part in the American version of The X Factor. I absolutely love it here in the UK, and with the talent they have out in America, I'm sure we're going to find someone very special. I can't wait to get started.

"I just can't decide whether I am more excited to find and nurture the talent or for the unbelievable amount of amusement and entertainment I will have watching Simon doing everything and anything he can to beat me. He's tried to beat me for three years in the UK, and hasn't even come close. His ego must be so bruised. America is gonna love this."

Mike Darnell, President of Alternative Entertainment at Fox Broadcasting Company:

"Cheryl Cole has the whole The X Factor package: she's an incredibly talented artist and performer, as well as a style icon, and she has that special charisma that draws in fans around the world. Cheryl's charm and chemistry with Simon have been a key part of the overwhelming success of The X Factor in the UK, and we can't wait to welcome her to the US on our air."

It's a very interesting proposition seeing Cheryl Cole transfer to the US in this manner. There's the obvious issue of her Geordie accent being impenetrable to the natives (who think we all talk like Hugh Grant), and therefore the possibility she'll adopt a highly amusing trans-Atlantic middle ground when the cameras roll. But perhaps more importantly, Cole's someone who's going to be judging American wannabes from the incongruous position of being a virtual unknown there herself!

Cole certainly does have good talent show credentials: a former auditionee on Popstars: The Rivals (a precursor to Pop Idol and American Idol), she became part of the show's winning group, Girls Aloud, who went on to become arguably the world's biggest girl group in the mid-'00s, before developing a successful solo career off the back of her X Factor work in the UK. But Girls Aloud never broke America (to be fair, they never even tried), so Cole's career means very little to everyday Americans. How will the masses react to a beautiful stranger critiquing their nation's amateur singers?

Working in her favour, Cole's incredibly photogenic and seems like a very nice person. I'm sure her career's going to receive a boost Stateside whatever happens, even if it's just some lucrative modeling contracts.

Anyway, Fox have all summer to try and sell Cheryl Cole to America, ahead of X Factor's premiere. That's long enough. Two months ago, America didn't know who Jessie J was, remember. There are already reports the Fox TV show Glee is going to cover Cole's "Parachutes" as a standout group performance in an upcoming episode. I'm sure Cole's people have her charm offensive planned to precision. Expect lots of chat show appearances, perhaps alongside Cowell -- whose trust in her abilities undoubtedly helped persuade executives to give her the job. Her showbiz friend Will.i.am may also help introduce her to the nation. I suppose it's possible she may release "Parachutes" as a single, hoping for a sleeper summer hit thanks to American curiosity.

But where does all this leave the original X Factor, a show that's now lost its two biggest celebrity judges? I doubt judges Dannii Minogue and Louis Walsh will be dropped, as they'll be needed to keep a sense of continuity for the next series. Reports suggest that Take That's Gary Barlow, Oasis' Noel Gallagher, Lily Allen and Alesha Dixon are being courted to fill the gaps. Are either of them up to that task? Is the UK X Factor destined to dwindle without Cowell and Cole involved? Or will X Factor UK, rather like American Idol this season, suffer only a minor dip in the ratings?

X Factor USA's filmed auditions start on 8 May, so an announcement about the remaining fourth judge and host will be imminent.

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'Big Brother' returns, on Channel 5

After almost a year of speculation, Channel 5 have confirmed that they're reviving Big Brother, which aired its final series on Channel 4 last summer. C5 have thrashed out a £200m two-year deal with Endemol, after months of negotiations, allowing Big Brother to return with a celebrity special in August, ahead of a regular 13-week run from September. The traditional schedule of a January celebrity special, followed by the regular show in summer will come into effect next year.

It's undoubtedly great news for Channel 5, provided the entirety of Channel 4's dwindled audience accept this new version. It will also help get people to sample 5*, if that's where the Big Brother sister shows like Big Brother's Little Brother and Big Brother's Big Mouth will find themselves. Although it's not known if those formats are part of the deal.

Jeff Ford, Channel 5's Director Of Programmes:

We're hugely excited to have secured the return of Big Brother for Channel 5 which will form a key part of this year's schedule. The series has previously captivated a decade of television viewers and we aim to bring Channel 5's energy, optimism and vibrancy to the series."

Tim Hincks, Endemol Chief Executive:

Big Brother has a passionate and loyal fanbase in the UK and I'm delighted it has found a new home on Channel 5. Ten years on it's as potent and cutting-edge as ever and it's still one of the only truly multi-platform entertainment brands.

But will there be any concessions regarding the quality and content of the show? Can Channel 5 attract the same caliber of famous faces for their celebrity specials? You may scoff at that phrasing, but Channel 4 regularly paid around £250,000 to get a few big names involved. Will C5's pockets be as deep, or should we expect a budget line-up across the board? Whatever happens, surely there won't be a problem finding the usual bunch of crazy, extroverted, fame-hungry wannabes for the regular show.

But there are already a few problems with Channel 5's impatient decision to get the show on-air this year. By launching Big Brother in August with a celebrity special, they'll attract a lot of attention, but will audiences be bored once the celebs are all evicted after a month and the "normal" show begins? Remember how jarring it was last year, when Channel 4 ended Big Brother 11 and went straight into a two-week Ultimate Big Brother send-off with some celebs? It just didn't work. Even for diehard fans, it was overkill. So why are Channel 5 repeating that mistake? It would make more sense to leave the celebrity special for January 2012, a few months after the regular show ends.

Also, if Big Brother 12 starts in September for 13-weeks, that means the series will be airing throughout autumn and into winter. Cold temperatures tend to dictate the kind of outdoor tasks the housemates are given and, to be frank, Channel 4 used to delight in being able to show nubile young men and women sunbathing all day. It sold tabloids and provided something for casual viewers to ogle on the live-stream. There's no chance of much sunscreen being applied from September to November!

Plus, the autumn is a much busier time of the year for TV. Big Brother doesn't have much to compete with much during the summer and post-Christmas, but an autumn broadcast will mean a lot more competition for the show. There's ITV's X Factor, for example, which is bound to steal whatever column inches Big Brother could normally rely on in Heat magazine. Although it helps that Channel 5's new boss Richard Desmond owns a selection of publications, who'll no doubt give Big Brother the kind of coverage it hasn't enjoyed since its early-'00s heyday.

Big Brother will also be returning to its home at Elstree Studios, but Davina McCall is very unlikely to reprise her role as presenter.

What is your reaction to this news? Even if you hate Big Brother, is it great to see a TV show being rescued in this way?

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'THE APPRENTICE', series 6

I've been covering The Apprentice for a few years now (including the surprisingly enjoyable Junior Apprentice spin-off earlier this year), but I'm not going to be reviewing series 6 every week -- which starts 6 October. I don't have enough time, so don't want to commit to weekly reviews and feel under pressure to get them written. It's not good for me.

The question is: is there any desire for an "open thread"-type post every week, where you can discuss the show in the form of comments? I could stretch to commenting broadly on the show, just to kick things off, it's just that a full review every Thursday might be the straw that breaks the camel's back for me!

Thoughts?

If this isn't a popular compromise, my Apprentice coverage will be severely reduced until the show (hopefully) returns to its usual spring timeslot. It's just far too hectic in these autumn/winter months leading to Christmas to be tackling a reality show on top of everything else -- sorry!

In the meantime, why not have a look at the new candidates via the BBC's official website.

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'Strictly Come Dancing', series 8: The Celebrities Revealed

Patsy Kensit; one of many celebrities hitting the dance floor

The BBC have confirmed the celebrity lineup for this year's Strictly Come Dancing, and it makes for encouraging reading: Anne Widdecombe (former-MP), Felicity Kendall (actress), Gavin Henson (rugby player), Goldie (musician/DJ), Jimi Mistry (actor), Kara Tointon (ex-EastEnders actress), Matt Baker (presenter), Michelle Williams (ex-Destiny's Child singer), Pamela Stephenson (psychologist, wife of Billy Connolly), Patsy Kensit (actress), Paul Daniels (magician), Peter Shilton (ex-England goalkeeper), Scott Maslen (EastEnders actor) and Tina O'Brien (ex-Coronation Street actress).

For the first time in a long time (perhaps ever?), I think most British people would know every single celebrity taking part in the show. And the mixture of talent is very good -- you have the funny "wild cards" (Widdecombe, Daniels, Shilton, Goldie), the middle-aged glamourpusses (Kendall, Stephenson, Kensit), the handsome hunks (Henson, Baker, Maslen, Mistry), and the sexy babes (Tointon, O'Brien, Williams) I already predict a good showing from Mistry (it's just a feeling -- does he have a Bollywood background?), Tointon (ballroom experience in Strictly's Comic Relief special) and Williams (dance/choreography background with Destiny's Child)

The celebs will be formally introduced and partnered with their professional dance partners this Saturday 11 September, during BBC1's red carpet Live Launch ceremony at 6.25pm. Series 8 will begin properly a few weeks later on 1 and 2 October. Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly will again be presenting the show, with Len Goodman, Craig Revel Horwood, Alesha Dixon and Bruno Tolioni all back to pass judgement.

It's also been announced that Bruce Forsyth won't co-present the Sunday night results shows this year, with Claudia Winkleman covering that role. The BBC are also working closely with ITV to ensure Strictly won't clash with X Factor this year, in light of numerous viewer complaints and the fact Strictly always lost against its arch-rival.

Mark Linsey, Controller of BBC Entertainment Commissioning:

"It's fantastic to be bringing Strictly back for it's eighth series with even more glamour and excitement than ever before. This year we have a fantastic line-up of celebrities and more spectacular dancing than ever before -- a red carpet launch is the perfect way to start the show."

Are you looking forward to Strictly Come Dancing this year? Have you always hated the show? Have you gone off it in recent years? Do you just prefer X Factor? Do you prefer the US version, Dancing With The Stars? Will the caliber of these celebrities lure you in for a few weeks? Is Alesha Dixon back on merit as a judge, or because it would be too embarrassing to axe her so soon?

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Strictly Come Dancing: Series 8 Dancers & Rumours

It's still a few months away yet, but the lineup for Strictly Come Dancing is becoming clearer. Ian Waite and Darren Bennett have both been "demoted" to form part of the show's new "professional dance group" (to be joined by a new man and three new women whose identities aren't known yet).

Matthew Cutler won't be back fulltime, choosing instead to focus on his choreography and teaching career, but may make occasional guest appearances. Brian Fortuna won't be back, and (most disappointingly) Lilia Kopylova is hanging up her sequins after six years, but hasn't ruled out a few guest turns.

Three new male dancers have also been announced: Artem Chigvintsev (Latin champion from America's So You Think You Can Dance), Jared Murillo (an American dancer from High School Musical) and Robin Windsor (star of ballroom show Burn The Floor).

Existing favourites returning are: Anton du Beke, Brendan Cole, James Jordan, Vincent Simone, Ola Jordan, Flavia Cacace, Erin Boag, Kristina Rihanoff, Natalie Lowe, Aliona Vilani and Katya Virshilas.

But the most interesting new development for the show is the decision to only pay celebrities based on how far they progress in the competition. That's a marvelous idea, because it gives celebs more of an incentive to put in the training and want to win. I don't think the show's had many truly lazy celebs involved, but it was always a bit sickening when an expensive booking was voted off after a few weeks but pocketed upwards of £50,000 for their appearance. Paying the celebs incrementally every week is a welcome change that will save cash while also boosting the sense of competition.

No celebrities have been confirmed yet, but names being bandied around include: Ann Widdecombe (politician), Gavin Henson (rugby player), Nathalie Emmanuel (actress), Sophie Anderton (model), Felicity Kendal (actress), Patsy Kensit (actress) and Frank Bruno (former boxer).

Strictly Come Dancing will return in the Autumn on BBC1/HD.

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The Apprentice: prize change for 2011

Interesting news of a shake-up with The Apprentice's format for 2011, couresy of this BBC press release. Essentially, the winner will no longer become Lord Alan Sugar's literal apprentice in his existing business empire (i.e. tucked away working on a relatively trivial Amstrad product or initiative). Instead, the winner will become Lord Sugar's 50/50 partner in a business venture of their choosing, using £250,000 of initial investment. This change won't effect the sixth series, scheduled for this autumn, but will come into effect for the seventh series. If you want to apply, click here.

What do you make of this news? I think it's a great idea, because the current prize for the winner has always felt quite a letdown, as the job they were given rarely seemed to take advantage of their individual skills. But now the winner will get the chance to build a tailor-made business, with Lord Sugar's support and financial backing. And considering the fact it's £250k of his own money they'll be using, and he gets to keep 50% of any profits, I get the feeling Lord Sugar's going to be more discerning about the winner.

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'JUNIOR APPRENTICE' - Week Six

I don't understand the logic of airing Week Six's episode the day after Week Five's, either. Maybe there's a World Cup football match next Wednesday? But whatever the reason, the Junior Apprentice's finale arrived a week early, with a final task to decide who should win Lord Sugar's £25,000 prize fund: cheeky boffin Arjun, tiny killjoy Kirsty, grinning Tim or the fearsome Zoe?

As it tradition, the fired candidates came back to help (or hinder?) their former-competitors on the final task. Finalists Kirsty and Zoe were paired together, picking Hannah, Hibah and Jordan as teammates, while Tim and Arjun partnered to select Adam, Emma and Rhys. Yes, as is customary, the first person fired was the last chosen, because nobody really knows Jordan six weeks after he was fired. I'm surprised they remembered his name, actually. I was also disappointed that Adam, who left because of sudden illness a few weeks ago, didn't come limping into the room covered in weeping boils, clutching a hot water bottle, and occasionally vomiting into a sick bag held by a nurse.

Lord Sugar explained the final task at a sea life centre full of sharks (which swam away to hide when Zoe arrived), and the location actually made a modicum of sense for once, because the challenge was to create a brand of bottled water, design the packaging, film a TV commercial, then pitch their product to a room full of drinks magnates and business people.

There were some promising ideas and creativity in this task from both teams, although it became very clear who had the upper hand. Kirsty and Zoe's group came up with the perfectly reasonable name "Drip Drop", then opted for a toxic-looking design of oily black lettering on a yellow background. Wasps have that same colour scheme, as a warning to other animals to stay away!

"Drip Drop" was targeted at kids, an untapped market for bottled water, but perhaps with good reason because they prefer fizzy drinks. As usual, Zoe was something of a nightmare to deal with throughout the task, forever calling up her teammate's clique and dispensing unwanted artistic advice. This time about Jackson Pollock. Zoe seems unable to see how awkward she makes everyone feel, can't empower her team, and won't trust others to do work she thinks she'd be better at.

Tim and Arjun's team went down an interesting, minimalist avenue with their brand. They chose to label their bottle of water "A Bottle Of Water", embracing the vaguely pretentious idea that people are after "does what it says on the tin"-style products. They wisely targeted 25-35 office workers, who are assumedly too busy to read labels with confusingly imaginative product names like Evian and Volvic. No, what today's executives want on a lunch break is "A Bottle Of Water". Simple! Then maybe they can grab "A Sandwich" and "A Packet Of Crisps" if the brand ever expanded.

Filming the TV commercials didn't throw up as many howlers as the adult series tends to, funnily enough. Kirsty's ad was the weakest, with two thirsty boys having their Drip Drop stolen by a cheeky young girl. Poorly acted and edited, the message seemed to be that a thief's favourite brand of water is Drip Drop. So only buy their water if you want to be a victim of crime?

Arjun's advert was more creative, with a handsome businessman running through a park, stripping off his clothes and eventually ending up in underwear to grab A Bottle Of Water and quench his thirst. I can see the thinking here with the "stripping things down to their basics" message, and the idea felt like something that might get brainstormed in a real ad agency, but I'm not sure the ad really clicked. Still, Arjun's directing was solid for a rushed effort, and he coped well with the fact Tim had booked one too many actors.

There were some dodgy moments for team "Zirsty" (hey, that could have been a brand name! "If you're thirsty, drink some Zirsty?"), particularly when Zoe arrived to get their pitching venue decorated and didn't have any designs for the artists to work from. But they mysterious managed to get the job done while she was away. Did someone from the production team hotfoot it across London to get Drip Drop's artwork to them? The thing with The Apprentice, particularly this Junior edition, is you're never sure what happens when the cameras are off. I still find it hard to believe a gang of 16/17-year-olds could cope with any of this without gentle steering and help from behind-the-scenes. Or maybe teenagers have become a lot more capable in the 15 years since I was one myself?

The day of the presentations arrived, with plenty of suits filling each team's floor-space, including a characteristically grump-looking Lord Sugar. A usual, my stomach started to develop a knot over the potential for embarrassing failure -- somehow even more excruciating with kids involved. Zoe was lost in her own world of notes pre-show, unwilling to lend much support or encouragement to Kirsty. On the flipside, Arjun and Tim really felt like partners in this together, aiming to win.

Fortunately, if only for my nerves as a viewer, both pitches seemed to go very well, particularly Tim and Arjun's Q&A session at the end.

In the boardroom, Lord Sugar's feedback on both team's presentations was a lot harsher than the filmed evidence seemed to suggest, but the obvious problems were there for all to see. Zoe/Kirsty targeted a non-lucrative teenage market, their ad had a strange message, and their design was a bit garish. Tim/Arjun made a few errors with their business research during the Q&A, but otherwise it was difficult to fault their witty idea and the demographic they went after. So, Tim/Arjun were deemed the winners, meaning Zoe and Kirsty were sent packing at the last hurdle. I had to laugh when Zoe's attempt at a pleasant farewell ("well done boys, you really deserved it") was delivered with zero sincerity and eye contact as she floated out the boardroom like a peeved string puppet.

After six weeks (well, five weeks and six tasks) Lord Sugar finally had a simple decision to make. Arjun with his strong education, maths skills, determination, creativity, and lack of boardroom call-ins... or likeable Tim, who improved from an initially lazy type of character, finding his stride in the past three tasks. Oh, it was always going to be Arjun, wasn't it? And so it came to pass. I think Tim's speech about his background being the hard labour of a farmer, helping birth lambs, but still being driven by money, didn't fit with Lord Sugar. It seemed to confirm that Tim's a decent bloke with natural charisma that saw him through some tasks, but Arjun's more likely to have real business success.

Did anyone else think the series ended on a rushed, abrupt note? Arjun was told he'd won, got in that taxi, then the credits rolled. No farewell speech from Tim? No wrap-up from Lord Sugar? It wasn't even clear what Arjun had won, exactly. I know he gets £25,000 (a low sum considering what Lord Sugar's BBC fee must be), but will he be given a proper job opportunity with Amstrad when he turns 18? Oh well. At least I get the impression Arjun won't fritter away his winnings. Zoe would have bought herself a new wardrobe (or topped up next year's lipstick budget), and Emma would have gone crazy buying eggs and sweets to sell on.

Overall, this was great end to what's been a surprisingly excellent series. It never felt like a cheap version of the adult series, the tasks weren't patronizingly easier, and while Lord Sugar perhaps didn't rant at the candidate's big mistakes... he wasn't a total pussycat. The tone struck a fine balance and at times Junior Apprentice exceeded its progenitor. There was certainly less of the monotonous infighting, and let's not forget Tim/Kirsty making a phenomenal £39,000 in profit and setting an Apprentice record. That really was amazing. They should get commission if that deal's for real, surely.

10 JUNE 2010: BBC1/HD, 9PM

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'JUNIOR APPRENTICE' - Week Five

The idea of sending five teenagers to Amsterdam could have played out very differently on any other reality TV show, but not in Lord Sugar's grandfatherly hands. Instead, the adolescent apprentice-wannabes were in the Netherlands to hear pitches for products by six top-notch designers, before selecting two each to sell to retailers back home.

Arjun had the unenviable task of managing moody Zoe and Emma for Revolution, leaving Kirsty in charge of Tim for Instinct. Three against one, is that really fair? Oh well, I got the impression Kirsty was just glad to have Tim all to herself. The production team even put them on a romantic trip down the city's canal, whereby Tim unleashed his appalling Dutch accent; possibly a defensive move to repel amorous, tiny Scottish girls.

The pitches both team endured were characteristically bizarre, silly, ridiculously niche, or all three: baseball caps made of human hair, a dog bed on legs, a dog transporter, a bicycle/exercise machine hybrid, a build-your-own bicycle, an individual box-set of cutler for the solo diner, and baby comforters you can tie into a variety of animals shapes (er, an elephant and a rabbit.. then maybe a hare and a mammoth?)

Predictably, both teams wanted the Bratavas Batavus-brand bicycles. Kids love bikes, right? After some stonewalling by Arjun in discussions to reach an amicable solution, Tim and Kirsty end up getting the bicycles in exchange for their cutlery. Thus, they wound up with the two bikes and the dog walker/bed combo. Arjun, Zoe and Emma got the cutlery, the comforters, and some coloured lamps. The thinking here is that Arjun thinks it'll be easier to sell low-cost items in bulk, whereas Kirsty thinks just shifting a few bikes will win them the task. The classic Apprentice gamble.

Lord Sugar's already lined up some potential buyers from the House Of Frasier and Liberty & Co, but the teams also have to phone around for other retailers to sell their products to. Tim proved himself very personable, cogent and likeable in the pitches, despite a toe-curling moment with House Of Frasier where he tried to sell them the bicycle-based dog transporter, only to discover they don't have a bicycle or pet section, then followed it up with trying to sell two more bicycles. That didn't go down well. But at least Tim (who revealed his business skills are honed playing Monopoly) actually did something, because Kirsty just stood in the background like a statue. She didn't even help him struggle through doors pushing two bicycles.

Arjun's team didn't fare as well. Zoe went first with the pitching, which she's ordinarily very good at, but the buyers started asking "difficult" questions of her. The kind of questions the team should have asked the designers back in Amsterdam when they had the chance, rather than snap and bitch at their creativity. They didn't even have any agreed wriggle-room on prices. Arjun took over for the second pitch, but found it hard to justify the appeal of cutlery-for-one However, Arjun did offload 60 of those awful comforters, inspiring an Artful Dodger-style heel-click celebration in the street. It's a shame that didn't develop into a full-on Oliver!-esque production number, with Lord Sugar as Fagin, Karren as Nancy, and Nick as Bill Sykes.

Kirsty and Tim travelled around London trying to interest retailers they've agreed meetings with themselves, but with two expensive products it was difficult at times. Back street pet shops aren't really going to stock £100 dog beds, are they.

In the boardroom, the results were announced: Arjun's team made £10,171.45, but Kirsty's team somehow pulled in a miraculous £39,785.09 -- which was genuinely astonishing and an Apprentice record. You can't really dismiss that, unless you wanted to be cynical and say some of the buyers were sympathetic to "kids". And I'm none the wiser about these purchases being genuine, or hypothetical -- which DOES alter things. But hey, give Tim and Kirsty some credit, that was a phenomenal profit. And poor old Arjun; he even laughed at Lord Sugar's "clever clogs" gags, but it wasn't enough.

Kirsty and Tim headed off for their reward of... uh, table football back at the house, because I think Lord Sugar's coffers have run dry.

Arjun, Zoe and Emma got down to the business of blaming other people for the task's failure. Arjun found himself in the firing line for not asking their opinion when he let Tim and Kirsty take the lucrative bikes, but in all fairness they could have interjected at the time but chose not to. It was amusing to see Emma suddenly get the feeling she was going to be fired, prompting her to set Plan B into motion: develop a flurry of quivering emotion that made her words catch in her throat and her mouth make funny coat-hanger shapes.

Equally amusing was how Lord Sugar finally cracked and started rattling off reasons Zoe's a risk: she's domineering, selfish and rubs people up the wrong way. So, naturally, she survived. I guess she has the elusive "spirit" Lord Sugar's obsessed with, or he knows she makes good TV. Arjun was never in any danger, considering the fact his track-record of boardroom visits was very low, so it was "with a heavy heart and much regret" that Emma was fired. Sent home in the taxi cab to continue selling her eggs and sweets behind the school bike sheds, or however she does it.

So, we have our finalists: Arjun, Tim, Kirsty and the ever deluded Zoe, who returned to the house and only seemed to remember the "positive things" Lord Sugar had said to her. So it was Arjun's time to roll his eyes at his competitor's self-delusion.

A quick reminder: Junior Apprentice's finale is actually on tonight at 9pm (10 June) not next week.

9 JUNE 2010: BBC1/HD, 9PM

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'JUNIOR APPRENTICE' - Week Four

This week Lord Sugar had the candidates meet him at David Beckham's Academy, raising hopes for a meeting with "Golden Balls" himself, or perhap a task involving football. But no, this week's task was all about spotting talent in the art industry -- just as Becks supposedly spots talent in the sporting industry? Right? Get it? Oh, who knows how Lord Sugar's tenuous mind works...

The teens were split into two teams: Tim (who put himself forward as Project Manager in the boardroom last week to save himself) led tiny Kirstie and spaced-out Hannah, while Emma (she "sells eggs and sweets") is put in charge of brainbox Arjun and the infinitely-perplexing Zoe, who has the gait of a shepherd's crook someone's hung a blonde wig and haute couture on.

It's a familiar task: each team had to schmooze various artists in their studios, assess the prices of their work, negotiate discounts, then hopefully sell the work of whomever was willing to partner them for a one-night-only exhibition.

Zoe had the upperhand because her parents are both professional artists and she's been visiting galleries since she was five. She also paints her lips with a can of crimson gloss every morning. Despite her eccentric demeanour, Zoe's bohemnian background was enough to entice the artists her way, while brassy Kirsty had the exact opposite effect on potential customers. She instead breezed in clutching a clipboard, barely looked at the artwork, rattled off some dull financial questions, mumbled a bit, then left. To be fair, she was doing everything solo because, annoyingly, each team only has three members now -- so how can Nick and Karren possibly be the "eyes and ears" for their respective teams? Imagine being 16-years-old and being driven around London to meet arty-farty strangers with a camera crew scrutinizing your every move and utterance. I have sympathy, actually.

By far the biggest fruitloop was an artist who goes round people's homes to look aftter their cats, and has photos of herself taken wearing their clothes. It's okay, I think she's strapped to a bed in Broadmoor now. Predictably, neither team wanted to do business with her.

Eventually, Tim's team got their hands on some affordable photographic landscapes and extravagant abstracts that cost around £4,000 each. Yes, they'd fallen prey to the risky "if we sell just one, we'll win the task" strategy. Emma's team managed to get the reasonably-priced urban prints that Tim's team coveted (as Zoe's hippy brown-nosing impressed the artist more than Kirsty's abrupt disinterest), and a few contemporary sculptures that included fragments of a broken mirror glued onto black backgrounds.

Tim's team arrived at Brick Lane, which is apparently a hotbed of artistic types, but resembled a street-wide bring-and-buy sale for vagabonds. They fell behind getting their shop ready for the opening, meaning the event began when they were still sticking up prices and preparing the drinks. The actual sale didn't go that well, although the photographic prints sold okay eventually, but clearly nobody wanted to spend £4k on art that looks like a toddler spilled some paint onto a canvas and smeared it around willy-nilly. Tim showed his ignorance for art by mishearing David Hockney as Anthony Hopkins, while some woman (most likely a fantasist) demanded a 30% discount because she owns a gallery. In her loft, I suspect.

Emma's team did a lot better, but ran into difficulties because Zoe's arrogance kept making her interrupt Emma and Arjun's conversations with prospective buyers, mistakenly believing that they were struggling and she's the only one capable of communicating with these arty types. Despite Zoe's unwanted, exaspering interjections, it was obvious that Arjun and Emma both had enough natural charm to sell just fine. More importantly, their pieces were commercial and affordable.

In the boardroom, it's wasn't much of a surprise to learn that Emma/Arjun/Zoe made £6,000 profit to Tim/Hannah/Kirsty's £2,000. The winner disappeared to get some bespoke suits made, while country boy Tim again argued that art wasn't really his "thing" (oh, for a sheep-shearing task!), and naturally he sided with "secretary" Hannah in berating the fact Kirsty's temperament lost them the urban prints that would have been perfect for their Brick Lane location. A valid point. Hannah also came in for criticism because she'd spent half her time taking notes.

Lord Sugar made a decision based on the past four weeks, that Hannah's academic qualities haven't translated into tangible evidence of any "spark" he's after. He's always after that elusive spark. What he means is that he prefers people who can talk bollocks and fight their corner, rather than quieter types who would probably make better apprentice-material. So, Tim and Kirsty somehow survived for another week, while Hannah was fired. But she did get a business card from "Lord Sugar Of Clapton", which must have given her a giggle.

There are only two episodes left, so who should win? Zoe will definitely be in the final, because she's assertive and enough of a "character". Emma seems efficient enough, but needs a task to totally ace to justify her progress at this stage. Kirsty will be the next one fired, I'm predicting, despite her resolve. Tim is lucky to have lasted this long, wnd the most "normal" of the remainder. Arjun is actually the dark horse of the series who could sneak to victory (good with figures, a decent salesman, improved quickly at pitching.) Arjun to win?

2 JUNE 2010: BBC1/HD, 9PM

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JUNIOR APPRENTICE - Week Three

There was definitely more of a kid-gloves feel to Week Three, with a cake-selling task that was very similar to Week One's cheese-selling, a gentler performance from Lord Sugar in the boardroom (cracking gags, smiling, trying to reassure the candidates), and the fact Adam was allowed to go home because of a few day's sickness. It was still good fun, though, mainly because of the sweetly clueless Rhys...

Rhys, the shortest and most child-like of the candidates, became project leader of Instinct, which included assertive Kirsty, academic Hannah and whiskered Tim. Zoe (whose red lipstick is probably a byproduct of people she's slain) was chosen to lead Revolution, working alongside sickly Adam, egghead Arjun and sensible Emma.

Instinct decided to theme their cupcakes on "fashion"; while Resolution chose a more imaginative "I Love..." theme, where customers could complete the sentiment with personalized icing messages. Both teams were given prime spots as plush department store Selfridges in the heart of London's shopping district, each splitting themselves into two groups (sellers and manufacturers) and trying to offload as many cakes as they could to passing shoppers.

Problems ensued, naturally.

Zoe's team were undoubtedly better; their themed cakes were more imaginative, Zoe herself proved game by dressing up as a giant cupcake to attract customers, and in general Revolution didn't face many problems throughout the day. Despite the fact Adam's icing skills were nonexistent, and you could tell he just wanted to crawl into bed and die.

Rhys' team had a real nightmare; nobody gave Rhys much support, which knocked his already low confidence, and there were definite signs that everyone was taking a backseat and were planning to blame a loss on their leader. Tim was particularly irritating, in that he shirked becoming the leader again (citing a lack of culinary know-how), but was happy to lead the one aspect of the project that involved food. Kirsty's grumbling became a bore, but she was great at the market research and you could tell she's one of the more mature candidates who stands a chance of winning.

In the boardroom, it was all academic really. Rhys' team failed dismally (only selling nine cupcakes in the first few hours, failing to price their customized cupcakes higher), and ultimately lost £120. Zoe's group squeaked through with a profit of £15.15.

Rhys brought Tim and Hannah back into the boardroom with him to explain their loss, and actually did a very persuasive job of convincing Lord Sugar that a lot of the problem was a lack of support. But it was also clear that Rhys lacked some maturity, definitely didn't come up with a sales strategy for the day, and failed to get his team behind him. So, despite his Lordship's assurance that there was a "special something" to him, Rhys was fired.

But there was some welcome criticism of Tim, who appears to have sneaked his way to Week Three by talking a good game but failing to perform equally as well. He'll now be the project leader for whatever the next task is, having played the "let me prove to you what I can do next time" card. Hannah was also given some food for thought, considering she's the most academically gifted candidate but didn't steer the project to success when it became clear business was bad.

Owing to Adam being sent home to convalesce from the 'flu (or whatever ailment he came down with), there are now just six candidates left. Who looks like the winner at this halfway stage? It surely has to be Zoe. She's not particularly likeable, but she has a can-do attitude and is the only person you could imagine being on the adult Apprentice. Arjun possibly stands a chance if he proves himself good at leading a team, and I think Kirsty's now a strong and assertive possible winner. Tim, Emma and Hannah all fall into the "must do better" category right now.

26 MAY 2010: BBC1/HD, 9PM

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JUNIOR APPRENTICE - Week Two

I'm impressed. Lord Sugar's office rang a house full of teenagers at 7am and they all rolled out of bed before noon. These aren't normal teenagers. Well, actually, this task proved they are. After Week One's decent start (give or take a few slips), Week Two saw both teams struggling in a manner you expect kids with no life experience.

The teams were ordered into Wellington boots and whisked to a "city farm" called, unflatteringly, Mudchute. I had no idea something like that existed in London, did you? Once there, Lord Sugar revealed the day's task: to build a prototype piece of camping equipment and pitch it to three retailers. The boys and girls chose their project leaders, who were then switched to the opposing team by Lord Sugar.

Cockney rogue Adam found himself in charge of the girls, and reality TV convention singled him out for probable dismissal when he exclaimed that "men are better at business because of their physical capabilities." Too often on The Apprentice, the first person to make a howler is the one who will be taking a taxi cab home. Hannah, an inventor who can't mention her inventions (it's a water-powered car and she fears being assassinated by an oil company?), led the boys.

Adam's leadership style (or response to being handed a business harem of young girls) was over-enthusiasm and incomprehensible rambling, essentially making no assertive decisions but trying to support every idea thrown up during a brainstorm. Hibah struck upon the notion of a "games table" for families to pass the time on while camping, and it appeared to stick in everyone's mind because there were no better alternatives. At the ensuing "focus group", Hibah and Zoe (who dresses in "business sailorwoman" chic, with lipstick redder than the Devil's arse), pushed the games table idea on a family of campers who looked keen to agree it was a great idea so they'd just leave them in peace.

Hannah's team fared better, with Tim proving himself particularly good at focusing the brainstorming session with his mad whiteboard skillz, and they soon settled on the idea of a "sledge" for festival-goers to drag their belongings around on. It was another poor idea, but you could at least see a modicum of thought had gone into it. It was just a shame none of them had attended any actual music festivals, so their idea didn't come from any personal insight. Their focus group of thirtysomethings told Arjun and Rhys that the "sledge" idea was sound, for some indiscernible reason. Probably intentional sabotage to provide added entertainment when they watched this back on TV.

At the prototype phase, Adam's team had decided to combine every idea they'd had in the morning, thus creating a games table/storage area/shoe rack... made out of cardboard. The look on everyone's face when the flimsy, cheap-looking eyesore arrived the next morning was a particular highlight, quickly topped when Adam's insincere enthusiasm returned and he eagerly placed his own shoe into the prototype's lower shelf to marvel at its genius. Behold, the "Flex N' Store"!

Hannah's sledge was similarly disappointing, but it at least looked like a genuine robust product and not something knocked up by Blue Peter from cereal packets. The main problem with the "Slide-Stuff" (beyond, y'know, the very idea of it), was its childish design and small size. So just the concept and appearance was a problem.

Next, it was time to create some enticing images of both products to use during their pitch sessions. Adam and Hibah went to a field to erect a tent (with unproductive results), meaning they were later forced to have a group of paid actors pose with their "Flex N' Store" while sitting on a flattened flysheet in deckchairs.

On the other team, maths whizz Arjun had all three pitches dropped into his lap with no preparation time. Thus, Arjun didn't fare very well and often stuttered or dried up under the slightest scrutiny (or eye-contact), but he somehow managed to find his feet for the third pitch and put in a relatively impressive performance

Vociferous Zoe was, of course, the natural choice to pitch the team's Flex N' Store, but while her pitches to the retailers went smoother than Arjun's it was obvious she was flogging a dead horse. I think their fate was sealed when Adam admitted you'd perhaps only get four uses out of the Flex N' Store before it would collapse. And I think he was being optimistic, considering prayers were keeping their prototype upright after one day.

In the boardroom, Lord Sugar revealed the results. Hannah's team and their Slide-Stuff somehow managed 3,100 sales and were declared the conclusive winners. Adam's team and their Flex N' Store were the inevitable losers with no sales whatsoever. None. As leader, Adam called Zoe and Hibah back into the boardroom with him, for weak reasons, although it was true that they'd both pushed the games table idea far too much. Zoe may not have contributed any ideas to the brainstorming, but having handled the pitches she was never in any real danger. Hibah was on shakier ground, but Adam had clearly lost control of the task and accepted some monumentally poor ideas.

As usual for The Apprentice, Lord Sugar tends to take pity on young people from working class backgrounds who speak with passion, so once Adam started babbling about his potential and (very amusingly) the "life savings" he'd used to build his own business after leaving school with bad exam results, it was clear he'd done enough to appeal to Lord Sugar's nature. Not entirely unexpectedly, Hibah was fired for shirking responsibilities.

Overall, a very entertaining episode. It was more obvious that Lord Sugar's being careful not to be too overbearing in the boardroom, but that's certainly not having a detrimental effect on the show. I'd be complaining if he was reducing teenagers to tears, so I think the balance is being handled well. Like last week, the task was exactly what you'd expect of the adult series, which has really helped this series. I'm sure people are being a touch softer on the kids (that Flex N' Store would have been torn to shreds if adults were pitching it), but I still feel that Junior Apprentice has enough of the grownup show's DNA to overcome its occasional softness.

19 MAY 2010: BBC1/HD, 9PM

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JUNIOR APPRENTICE - Week One

Over at Obsessed With Film, I review the opening episode of BBC1's JUNIOR APPRENTICE, where Lord Alan Sugar hopes to find a new protégé from 10 teenage hopefuls:

"The regular series has been delayed because of the BBC's fears about impartiality during a General Election, given the fact Lord Alan Sugar had an advisory role with the (now defunct) Labour government. In its place, post-election, we have pint-sized version Junior Apprentice, where 10 teenagers are taken from the classroom and find themselves in Lord Sugar's infamous boardroom..." Continue reading...

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The CW to air British reality this summer

In an interesting move for US TV, The CW network are planning to broadcast two major UK reality series this summer. There's speculation these could be Big Brother 11 and The X Factor, although "non-live" formats like Britain's Next Top Model and Pineapple Dance Studios are apparently more likely. Whatever gets picked up, it's rare for a US network to show UK reality shows, despite the fact the UK are the global leader when it comes to selling reality formats abroad. American execs usually prefer to buy a format and make their own version. The CW undoubtedly have an eye on saving money by broadcasting readymade shows, of course.

Anyway, I thought this was worth a mention here. Here in the UK we get plenty of US reality shows (America's Got Talent, Dancing With The Stars, American Idol, etc), but it's always been something of a one-way street. So I'm glad that, for whatever reason, Americans may get to see something with a different flavour to it. Everyone knows The X Factor's superior to the dross of American Idol (hence Simon Cowell's decision to ditch Idol and start a US X Factor), and Britain's Got Talent is definitely more entertaining than its US namesake (giving the world Susan Boyle just last summer -- er, thanks.)

Which UK reality series do you hope The CW broadcast this summer? Is it true that the British versions tend to be better, or are some American versions an improvement on the originals?

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Celebrity Big Brother 2010: Week One

It's the final series of Celebrity Big Brother -- are you watching? I am. It's the perfect show to vent your spleen to on Twitter in the ad breaks, if nothing else. I've always had a soft spot for Big Brother since it started, really. I just find it's good fun if you don't take it too seriously, or obsess too much about what's going on. The winter celebrity version has had its golden moments (politician George Galloway wearing a red leotard, pretending to be a cat by lapping milk from Rula Lenska's open palms, say), but I prefer the main summer show. CBB's a pretty good fix, though, and it helps that it's so short, so we get tasks and twists at a quicker rate. This year's celebs are an odd bunch, as usual...

Stephanie Beacham. The posh ex-Dynasty actress, given to walking around indoors wearing sunglasses and having baths in her nightdress. She's actually the most likeable celeb in the house, fitting in as the "mother hen" and unlikely to ruffle anyone's feathers. A dull matriarch, certainly, but I'm already betting she'll be around until the final.

Stephen Baldwin. CBB's most contentious housemate, for sure. Stephen's one of the lesser-talented Baldwin brothers (i.e, his name's not Alec), and an ex-alcoholic who became a born again Christian to beat the bottle. This means he's allowed to read The Bible for an hour each day, which he insists on doing aloud to his "congregation" of fellow housemates, who are all too polite to tell him to shut up. It bugged me that nobody was willing, or clever enough, to pick holes in Stephen's creationist belief, too -- where he made the ignorant statement that evolution can't be real because why are there still apes around. Answer: humans didn't evolve from chimpanzees, dummy -- we evolved from a different species of "ape"-like creature that now doesn't exist because they're us. The apes we see today are just related to our species.

Vinnie Jones. The most surprising addition to the house this year is undoubtedly "bad boy" footballer-turned-actor Vinnie. As someone with a thriving showbiz career in Hollywood (he's made over 50 films, he claims), it's difficult to see why he's willing to put himself through the BB experience. Maybe he knows he's unlikely to really embarrass himself -- he'll just be himself for a few weeks, then bank the cash. The weird thing is how Vinnie comes across as one of the more intelligent people in the house, which doesn't say much for everyone else.

Sisqó. The Rn'B singer who had a hit with "The Thong Song" about 10 years ago. The most memorable thing he's done so far was reprise said song for a performance before he entered the house (a contractual stipulation?) He seems like a nice enough guy, really -- entertaining the girls by singing in the bedroom -- but he's also very naïve and unexciting.

Heidi Fleiss. The most interesting celebrity, in many ways. She's the ex-Hollywood "Madam" whose prostitution business collapsed, who now resembles a melted wax effigy of Steven Tyler after spending three years in jail, but you have to admire Heidi's morals in refusing to reveal which celebs were on her client list. The bad news is, while Heidi definitely has the most fascinating celebrity life, little of that's coming through on the show. She's shared a few sanitized prison stories, fair enough, but she's mainly just lounged around in bed and bitched about "dork" Stephen behind his back. I'm not sure if she has it in her to become a more extrovert force, but maybe she'll come out of her shell next week.

Dane Bowers. He's one of those unfairly maligned celebs of British culture, who amassed a public image based on distortion. To me, he comes across as well-adjusted and likeable. He's not likely to rock the boat, which is a shame, as he definitely has opinions on Jonas and Stephen that most people at home share.

Jonas. Or "Basshunter", as he's known to dance music fans. A Scandinavian musician and BB aficionado, he's clearly in there because he couldn't refuse the chance to participate in his favourite show. He's actually become one of the main "characters" in the house, because of his "showmance" with Katia, and cowardly refusal to do a secret challenge (put sand in someone's bed to earn Stephanie some luxury bedclothes.) The latter failure resulted in him being punished alongside Sov, both spending hours in a freezing cold task room with his own thumping music on a loop. I think Jonas is quite a spineless, childish man-boy, basically. Topics of discussion he's started involve farting and his chronic masturbation habits as a teenager. Katia seems to appeal to him because she's not embarrassed to break wind in public. It's a match made in heaven.

Nicola T. The obligatory Page 3 model, whom I've never heard of her. I may have seen her boobs in The Sun at some point, I guess. She doesn't look that attractive to me, either. She's quite plain. And, despite the fact she has the "sweet bimbo, young mum" factor preventing you from hating her outright, she's ultimately just very stupid and boring. As Lucy Pinder learned last year, she's facing a swift exit unless she becomes more interesting or, yes, wins Sun reader votes by going topless.

Lady Sovereign. Another singer whose career peaked in the early-'00s, and even then most people didn't notice. Sov's the "chav" of the group, but quite pleasant, and I like how she's one of the few people who vocally rubbish Stephen's preaching. Will she ever do it to his face, though?

Alex Reid. In some ways it's interesting having him in the house, because up until now he's just been a name in the tabloids for me -- the cross-dressing, cage-fighter rebound boyfriend of Katie Price (a.k.a Jordan). He's not quite what I expected, in that he comes across as an undisruptive himbo with a man-crush on Vinnie. But, there's definitely a fame-hungry streak to him, currently being fed by Stephen's insistence he could be "the next James Bond" if he put his mind to it. Alex is definitely in CBB7 for mass exposure and a chance to become famous in his own right, if everything falls apart with Katie in the outside world - which, let's be honest, it's going to.

Katia. Who? Oh, she's the young Kazakhstani ex of wrinkly rocker Ronnie Wood, who lived with the Rolling Stone for a year and helped destroy his marriage, before they themselves split. A fame-hungry Eastern-European opportunist, really, with no sense of shame, manners, or disceranble intellect. It irritates me that she never mentions Ronnie Wood by name, too. Why? Everyone watching knows who she dated. Most of the house know. And if they don't, they can ask someone who does behind your back. Katia's been flirting with Jonas since the start, too, so I'm predicting she'll be around for awhile so viewers see how that plays out.

Ivana Trump. I find it truly bewildering that Ivana, a multi-millionaire businesswoman, has even agreed to go into the CBB house. I can only assume she hasn't ever seen the show, and has bought into the idea that the experience will provide her with a level of UK fame to exploit in 2010. She's already dropping hints that she plans to write a book about being in the house, which is destined to flop if she ever did. I can't see her being a particularly interesting or amusing housemate, so for now her presence is just very strange. I hope I'm proved wrong about her, but I'm predicting a foreign version of Stephanie Beacham with no common sense. She already had problems entering the Diary Room's sliding door.

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Strictly Stopped Watching

Ola Jordan: she's my favourite

I gave up watching Strictly Come Dancing halfway through this seventh series, for a variety of reasons, not least my lack of time to write a post with so many embedded videos every week. But I'd also grown tired by how the behind-the-scenes turmoil had overwhelmed the show, thanks to a run of bad luck (injuries, 'flu, arrest), controversies (ageism, racism), and preventable mistakes by the program makers (Alesha Dixon replacing Arlene Phillips, the insufferable runtime, bad scheduling to compete with X Factor.)

Recently, things were compounded by the addition of ballet dancer Darcy Bussell to the judging panel for the last few weeks of competition. Her arrival as a "special guest judge" throughout December sounded like a stupid idea when it was first mentioned months ago, and so it proved true. Dancing With The Stars only has three judges, the British original now needs five?! Really? No, it doesn't. A fact proven when only four of the five judges were asked their opinion, in rotation! Even worse, Darcy has the opposite problem to Alesha -- she has a laudable dance background and expert knowledge, but lacks any palpable charm or enthusiasm. Plus, she rates the dances too highly. Or did someone tell her to whip out 9's and 10's to make it seem like the celebs deserved to be in the semi-final?

And that's been another problem this year: the celebs have been a weak bunch (fame and talent wise), and they've all appeared less interested than past contestants. I'm sure Ricky Whittle and Ali Bastian aren't exactly slouches at rehearsal, but compared to previous series they don't look anywhere near as committed as their predecessors have been. So, it's been a bad year for SCD, and the usual salve of seeing Ola Jordan shimmying around the dancefloor hasn't been enough to keep me tuning in.

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X Factor 2009: Live Final

A few brief thoughts on the weekend's X Factor Final. I ignored the show entirely through the auditions and boot camp phases, which is easy to do. I no longer find it funny listening to bad, deluded singers, and I've always zoned-out during the boot camp phase in previous years. I then ignored the live shows because they're so crammed with contestants to begin with, and none of it feels very compelling. It's just karaoke for a month or so. Then, Jedward hit...

Yes, Irish twins John and Edward (with their Everest-high quiffs and grins) were this year's most talked about X Factor contestants, by virtue of being absolutely appalling. They broke through to me on a pop-culture level with their Britney Spears cover "Oops! I Did It Again" (where they even spoke the incidental Titanic-referencing dialogue halfway through.) Funnily enough, when I actually tuned in to watch them live, the fun was lost on me. I saw them sing "Ghostbusters", which was later talked about as a highlight of the Jedward phenomenon, but I just thought it was terrible and embarrassing.

I rarely watched X Factor from then on, but a few of the names stuck in my head, so I knew who was involved. You can't really escape that stuff if you listen to Radio 1 and some tabloids in the week. I guess I watched more of X Factor once Strictly Come Dancing started boring me, too, but I'd still only dip in to see the celebrity performances; from smug Robbie Williams struggling through a door and mistaking his performance as a meet-and-greet, to aloof Whitney Houston and her dress malfunction.

Anyway, the finalists were Olly, Stacey and Joe. A fairly unremarkable bunch, but a part of me would have liked Stacey to win... if only to see the unintentional hilarity of her being interviewed in her breathless Dagenham accent for months to come. There's such a thing as that indefinable "star power" (the reason the show's called "X Factor") and Stacey didn't really have it. I know it sounds elitist, but I'm struggling to think of any well-known female vocalists who speak like an ineloquent Catherine Tate character. 12 million viewers saw Stacey voted off, with many people incorrectly blaming the fact she duetted with Michael Buble (not Madonna, as expected.)

To Sunday, then. Olly versus Joe. Bland and blander. I really didn't care. I suspected Joe would win because he has a better voice and Simon Cowell apparently chose the winner's song (Miley Cyrus' "The Climb") once he got wind of who was likely to win. See, Cowell gets told details of every week's phone vote results, so he knew Joe had been winning the public vote every week for the past month or so. Yes, the show was pretty much in the bag for Joe since mid-November, so all Cowell had to do was cleverly engineer the show to give Joe that final push. It's a sly game of viewer manipulation, this show. That's why Cowell saved Jedward from the chop one week -- so that everyone voting for them to stay just to "annoy Simon" wouldn't have a reason to anymore, because he "gets" them now. And that worked a treat, too.

And you knew Joe would win when he was asked to sing "The Climb" after Olly performed it. The producers always let the expected winner sing second, because it feels like a big, fitting encore when they have to sing it again after being told they've won. So, 19 million viewers saw Joe crowned X Factor winner for 2009. Congratulations. There are already rumours that Cowell is going to try and turn him into the "new Zac Efron", having already picked a Disney-affiliated song as the winning tune, which will also work nicely as a calling card for Hollywood film execs he has some sway with. I guess it might be interesting if Joe goes down the Disney musical movie route, but can he act? Does it matter?

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