DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 6.3 - "Never Judge A Lady By Her Lover"

WRITER: Bob Daily
DIRECTOR: Andrew Doerfer
GUEST CAST: Jesse Metcalfe, Kathryn Joosten, Andrea Bowen, Michael Guarnera, Darla Haun, Jordana Capra, Maria Cominis, Daniella Baltodano & Josh Zuckerman

[SPOILERS] I was certain, after last week's mystery and misery, that episode three would continue in much the same vein, as the events surrounding Julie's (Andrea Bowen) attack were put under the microscope following Danny's (Beau Mirchoff) false alibi resulted in a trip to the police station for the Bolen boy. How wrong I was. Well, half-wrong, at least. True, the repercussions of the attack still featured heavily as Susan (Teri Hatcher) took it upon herself to turn the neighbourhood against her daughter's alleged assailant, but this episode was otherwise a riotous tour de force of witty, snappy set-pieces loaded with biting humour.

The tone was set immediately as the Solis family dined at a restaurant, only for former regular cast member John Rowland (Jessie Metcalfe) to show up and reveal himself as the owner of the establishment, much to ex-lover Gabrielle's (Eva Longoria Parker) masked delight and her husband Carlos' (Ricardo Antonio Chavira) palpable chagrin. Carlos' catty remarks towards his former gardener as Gabby discreetly tried to make herself presentable were delightfully reminiscent of the show’s season one heyday.

John subsequently hires Gabby's live-in niece Ana (Maiara Walsh) to work part-time at his eatery, which will no-doubt set-up a truly awkward love triangle in forthcoming episodes as, against her grandest protestations, it is clear Gabby still carries a flame for her toy boy ex, and Ana couldn’t stop staring at her new employer.

Another problematic love triangle on Wisteria Lane is that of Bree (Marcia Cross) and Karl (Richard Burgi) having an affair behind Bree's soon-to-be-ex-husband Orson’s (Kyle MacLachlan) back, although Bree would hesitate at the word “love”, shooting down Karl’s attempts at a romantic getaway and branding him nothing more than a “diversion”. Charming. She is given room for pause, however, when Orson and herself bump into a spurned Karl at a dinner-dance event, accompanied by the young and stunning Candice (Brooke Lyons), who just so happens to be a former patient of dentist Orson. What a small neighbourhood. Bree successfully sabotages the passionate couple’s evening plans by pouring olive oil on the dance floor as Orson and Candice pass, breaking Candice’s nose in the fall. Bree then calls Karl to accept his getaway plans, only for Orson to assume Bree’s outrageous action was dealt out of jealously that he was dancing with another woman.

Having overcome her apparent hatred of her yet-to-be-born twins, Lynette’s (Felicity Huffman) pregnancy plot took a turn for the light-hearted this week, firstly as the expectant parents conveyed the news to their dumbfounded brood (who humorously lectured the adults on how irresponsible they have been), and secondly as Lynette – against her better judgement – accepted a promotion at work, and husband Tom (Doug Savant) took to downing both his and her innumerable glasses of wine to suspend suspicion of her condition at the resultant business dinner. “NO!” shrieks an inebriated Tom as Lynette is offered yet another glass of red. “If she has one more glass, I’m gonna puke!” Sure, it is bordering on farce, but it is gloriously entertaining all the same.

Without any evidence to pin Danny to Julie’s attack, Angie (Drea De Matteo) and Nick (Jeffrey Nordling) bring their son home and hire Bob Hunter (Tuc Watkins) as his defence lawyer, but Bob’s attempts to elicit background information from the overtly secretive Bolen’s hardly helps their cause. What we do discover is that “Bolen” hasn’t always been their name, and Angie certainly knows how to defend herself, be it with a gun or baseball bat. It is only after a convenience store CCTV tape clears Danny of any wrongdoing that understandably distraught and obsessive Susan must accept that she was wrong for blaming him – although she doesn’t apologise for trying to crush him beneath a jacked-up car.

Although this outcome in no way shocks me, I am surprised at how quickly the writers have cleared Danny of any involvement. He is quickly being portrayed as an innocent bystander to his parents’ clearly chequered past, despite their assertion in episode one that they moved house because of him. So, Julie’s attacker is still out there, and I’m still quietly wary of Nick Bolen, if that is indeed his real name…

Desperate Housewives has always been a busy show with a large ensemble cast, but with John's surprise return, Karl's increased screen-time, Ana's permanence and the Bolen's moving in, season six's cast-list is ballooning out of control. The consequence of this is that Mike Delfino (James Denton) was this week shoehorned into two scenes of blatant exposition upon which he had minimal impact, while depressed Katherine (Dana Delaney) was relegated to a single shot in the prologue montage and hospitalised Julie was present in name alone, but this is a minor gripe of an excellent episode, and perhaps it was for the best that the humour had room to breathe.

10 FEBRUARY 2010: CHANNEL 4 (HD), 9PM